Solitude is a nice place to visit but I can’t live there. I love being alone and being private. It can take me places that are hard to return from, however. And those places, in the darkness of my solitude are so inviting. They beckon me and I love living there.
When I was new off the streets, about 34 years ago, and being helped by those who had been before me, I was told it was OK to have fantasies, to have dreams, just don’t move in. From time to time, I do take up residence in my own head and love where it takes me until the fantasy ends and reality sets back in. That can be a drag or at the very least a challenge.
Being around people helps. I don’t mind people, actually. Most I find to be tedious, but some I find fascinating. Those few give me enough energy to move on to the next issue.
But, oh my God, do I have issues. Where are the tissues for my issues. Sorry. An old joke that really isn’t very funny. Maybe it is. I’ve lost track. What in the world am I talking about?
Now, this is what happens to me when I’m alone for too long. Tomorrow, I am going to work for a splendid eight-hour shift answering phones for the betterment of the Los Angeles County.
Those private places are hard to shake when you settle in. I think it’s best in the long run, though, that I do shake them.
I like being in the sunlight. Actually, I love being in the sun. Privacy and the sun are combatants. When you are in the sunlight, you are outside. Yes, you can be private outside and, yes, it’s a great place to be. Outside requires attentiveness to the other elements of the deal called life.
Inside, that is not a requirement. You can spend hours inside, private, alone, lost in day or night dreams. Can be dangerous.
So, what does any of this have to do with the of price of salt? I ask you that. I have no idea, but it helps me feel less alone, I suppose, when I write this down. Whatever the reason, I do enjoy life, outside more so than inside.
Well, there you have it. I have no idea what I any of this means, but I’m sure it means something to somebody. Then again…